We use an old blanket or tarp just like that, then take the trapped skunk, with blanket, to a hole dug for it's burial. Pull the tarp back a bit, and shoot it in the head, unless it's to be rabies tested, then a body shot. They spray from the rear, so facing you isn't going to get you sprayed...
Sorry, i did laugh through your tale of woe here!
We have trapped skunks in live traps, using cat food, among other things. Of course other critters will also get trapped, and cats and small idiot dogs can be released...
Trap and shoot is our plan, if a raccoon, opossum, or skunk is caught.
And...