How Do You Deal With Failure?

[Mason Farm and Ranch]

This week has been hard on me and my flock. I went to a wedding out of town & when I came home the next day I found one of my favorite hens Desiree, dead in the coop. Apparently she had been eggbound with shellless eggs for a week.

I panicked that I hadn't been attentive and inspected all my girls. I was heartbroken to find my favorite hen with severe ascites (water belly). I soaked her in a warm bath and tried to drain some of the fluid. She suffered heart failure and passed in my husband's arms while I was attempting to insert the needle. Two in one day, and Daisey was my favorite. She's the mascot on the sign for my farm.

I kinda feel like I'm not allowed to leave home or they die. Today amplified the feeling. I was short 1 chicken tonite at roosting time. It happens. My property is not small and occasionally a chicken gets caught in a garden or on the porch at dark and they post up there. I find them, administer snuggles and bring them in. I've had a few do it repeatedly for the extra attention. Tonite it was Dapper Dan, a rooster. That was different because the roosters always escort the ladies home in the evening. I wasn't concerned at first, Dan posts high up. I figured he'd be easy to find. He wasn't, and where we found him broke me. He had fallen in the pond and drowned. His beautiful white feathers spread out around him in the water was nothing I ever imagined. I'm numb. Three in a week. It's like I'm being punished for the ones I've saved.

I can compartmentalize one, two was hard, but three (and I didn't really like Dan that much, but he was so pretty). It's only Thursday and I still have 3 days left in this week.

How do you deal with losing multiple chooks? I'm not doing so well and I'm afraid I'll lose more any minute now. That wasn't a concern before.

 

[Callender Girl]

It's hard not to beat yourself up when things like this happen. I know. I take it personally every time I lose a chicken or duck. But even more so when it's due to something I could have prevented. Three of my original four hens were killed by a mink when I forgot to lock the coop door one night a few years ago. I was devastated.

This winter, one of my ducks suddenly started limping, and I figured she had just strained a muscle. Two days later, I made a vet appointment. Turns out there was a teeny cut in her foot, infection set in. Three vet visits and a laser treatment later, Fran seemed to be improving. Then, I went out a few days later and she was dead.

Because I was so preoccupied with Fran, I failed to notice that my Welsummer, Lottie, wasn't feeling well -- until it was too late to save her. I felt so bad because Lottie spent the first year of her life as the lowest hen in the pecking order and usually had no butt feathers because of it. But, the last couple of years, she had blossomed and was living a much better life.

Earlier in the winter, two of my original duck flock, Quinn and Skylar, appeared to have just laid down and died within about 24 hours of each other. No symptoms, no apparent injuries. I regret all of their losses, but Quinn was my rock star, my first female duck and the funniest little thing in the world. She would literally jump up and down with joy when she even thought I might be headed her way with feed or a treat.

So, one chicken and three ducks died within weeks of each other. I was just about numb at that point. It felt like the universe was against me.

The problem with caring about your poultry, livestock and other pets is that it's likely they will die before you do. Sometimes, it's avoidable; sometimes, it isn't. Sometimes, it feels like you're a terrible caretaker who doesn't deserve to have any of them.

Truth is, you're not terrible or cursed never to leave home again. You care for them and about them. Your heart will get broken again and again. And that's because you are a good caretaker. You aren't a vet -- and even they don't always get it right -- so don't beat yourself up for missing something. And, you can't be everywhere at once to protect them, nor can you chain yourself to your property so no one wanders off.

I doubt anything I say will make you feel better, but just know that you are far from alone in your situation. Take care of yourself.

 

[jonalisa]

You give yourself time to grieve, then forgive yourself, get up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

 

[Mason Farm and Ranch]

You give yourself time to grieve, then forgive yourself, get up, dust yourself off and get back in the game.

TY. Once I got everything under control I got angry. I've been researching and working on writing a book.

I figured out the problem, misinformation. Two more died before I realized the culprit and I lost one more to the treatment and two of my Silkie Roosters developed wryneck.

It was Coccidiosis. I was under the impression I had gotten them all vaccinated as chicks. Turns out it's not a vaccine, it's just a preventative treatment only good for their first 6 months. The treatment (Corid) actually makes them sicker and while vitamins and supplements are recommended, it is actually something that should be required. I also found other treatments that don't amplify the detrimental effects of Coccidiosis and had I known the toxicity of Corid and the alternative treatments, I would have saved myself a lot of grief.


I'm writing a book that will cover as many ailments and their treatments as I can find. It's how I'm dealing with knowing my ignorance killed my girls. Dan was and still is a mystery. Ignorance won't be a problem again. And maybe I can help someone else in the process.

 

[barky]

TY. Once I got everything under control I got angry. I've been researching and working on writing a book.

I figured out the problem, misinformation. Two more died before I realized the culprit and I lost one more to the treatment and two of my Silkie Roosters developed wryneck.

It was Coccidiosis. I was under the impression I had gotten them all vaccinated as chicks. Turns out it's not a vaccine, it's just a preventative treatment only good for their first 6 months. The treatment (Corid) actually makes them sicker and while vitamins and supplements are recommended, it is actually something that should be required. I also found other treatments that don't amplify the detrimental effects of Coccidiosis and had I known the toxicity of Corid and the alternative treatments, I would have saved myself a lot of grief.


I'm writing a book that will cover as many ailments and their treatments as I can find. It's how I'm dealing with knowing my ignorance killed my girls. Dan was and still is a mystery. Ignorance won't be a problem again. And maybe I can help someone else in the process.

 

[barky]

Is there a way to know when your book comes out??

 

[Mason Farm and Ranch]

Is there a way to know when your book comes out??

I'm thinking 18 mos. to 2 years. There are so many illnesses and treatments.

Some stuff isn't medical, it's behavioral. Most recently, I was contemplating sending a very expensive rooster to freezer camp because he is overly aggressive towards another very docile rooster. I was researching solutions and found blinders. A $2 piece of plastic allows my flock to coexist relatively peacefully.

Blinders aren't ever brought up in any thread I've seen about aggressive birds.

 

[Mcmamak]

I'm thinking 18 mos. to 2 years. There are so many illnesses and treatments.

Some stuff isn't medical, it's behavioral. Most recently, I was contemplating sending a very expensive rooster to freezer camp because he is overly aggressive towards another very docile rooster. I was researching solutions and found blinders. A $2 piece of plastic allows my flock to coexist relatively peacefully.

Blinders aren't ever brought up in any thread I've seen about aggressive birds.

Hi I'm a new chicken keeper (10 Months) and after reading some of your threads would LOVE to get your book! Is it out yet?