Kids being Bullied? A bit of a rant-- with a happy ending

[Momma_Cluck]

We live in a very small farming area just outside of a small resort town. The school is very small- with 14-20 kids per class... and it was the only option for our kids.

My Daughter, now 14, had been teased and bullied since 4th grade by her entire class.......as I said, it is a small school with less than 200 Kids and it is K-12! So the kids all know each other from day one till graduation.

It started with the 5th grade teacher who did not like the fact that DD was a "Special needs" child in her class... and that I outspokenly did not approve of her "Authoritarian" approach to reprimanding the kids for EVERYTHING... from not looking at her when she was speaking to crying after being bullied/hurt on the playground.

My daughter has Aspergers, but is VERY high functioning, and is mostly just easily distracted and highly emotional....
so this nasty woman took particular delight in using her as an example of what NOT to be like to the other kids. I walked in unexpectedly one time when My DD was at the front of the room bawling, being held fiercely by the arm and this "teacher" shrieking..."See-- this is why we don't like Mary-- she's different than us, she's a crybaby and will never be good at anything...... Words that I still hear from DD about herself to this day...

I walked in and grabbed my daughter and went directly to the principle (who is also the superintendent--) Who called a meeting.. things seemed to get better for a while, but DD was having nightmares and afraid to go to school. The Kids began calling her "Crybaby", "Retard" etc.... and if she cried, it made it worse.. so she became extremely introverted and unresponsive. and, with her Aspergers, became severely depressed and had ulcers! Come to find out-- it was escalating.. her belongings being taken, she was even being physically attacked. Despite it all, the teachers really liked her and she tried like heck to keep her grades up, but they were steadily going downhill.

This went on for 4 years-- all the while many of the teachers trying their best to watch for problems, but not seeing/hearing what happened outside of class....

FINALLY we found that there is a different school that would actually put her on their bus route! SO now, she is in a MUCH bigger school with a LOT of Farm Kids (Instead of the designer-jean clan from the other "in" school)..sure-- she has to ride nearly an hour to school on an overcrowded bus--- but everyone is NICE to her and accepts her "as-is"!

I see the kids there, some in farm clothes, some preppy, some Goth or rock & Roll-- all hanging out together accepting people for who they are. It is SO kewl!

She's only been there since the start of this school year, but already has a group of good friends (Good kids too- have met a few and their folks!) and even a few boys are noticing her!
She has shared pictures and stories about her Chicken-0babies with them, and found MANY of the kids there have chickens too!

She has joined the Choir, debate team and is trying-out for the play!
NOT TO MENTION-- All "A's" And B+'s" on her 1st report card today!!!!


NEVER EVER Assume teasing is "just a phase" and kids can "Take it"... we've had 2 kids in the community take their own lives due to bullying, and many more that "act-out" or self medicate with drugs and alchohol.... worse-- it can escalate to retaliation and violence.

If your child is being teased or bullied--DO something about it! Most States have a "Zero Tolerance" Bullying law... get involved, and help if you know of other kids being effected.... I'm not saying to fight all their battles, but when it's one against many, or violence / humiliation is involved, parents MUST step up and take charge and help their child.

Even if it means driving further, etc. on your part-- sometimes changing schools is the only option.
Get professional help if need-be.... we did (Due to the bleeding ulcers and sudden talk of dying etc...)
It can't be ignored... and you CAN make a huge difference in your child's education, and in their Life by stepping in and letting them know things can be better, and that YOU care!

 

[debilorrah]

Teasing is a personality trait for those that need to point out others flaws because they have so many of their own they can't get over. My son was pushed around, spit on, had blue dye thrown on him, gum stuck down his pans, buckets of water tossed on him on very cold days, someone threw his shoe on the roof and no one at the school would even pay attention. I actually had to buy him a new pair of shoes because I couldn't get anyone to get a ladder to get his shoe. I finally pulled him out and home schooled him through high school - yeah that was high school bullying.

Now get this - my son is tall, thin, handsome, gregarious, friendly, loving and handsome. WHY would anyone pick on him????? Oh and he knows he is all those things too. He is not a young man that walks around with his head down. But he is a firm believer in what goes around comes around. He is very secure. And he never fought back. Boy did I wanna go punch their lights out though!!!!

I am glad you found an AWESOME resolution for your daughter. More power to parents that care!!!!

 

[theOEGBman]

I was made fun of 1st through 8th grade, so I know how it goes. It got so bad that I had to go to a continuation High School, which is typically for the girls that get pregnant and the people that do so bad in school they have no other option. I was not happy about going there, because I had heard all of the stereotypes about it. It was the most amazing thing my parents could have ever done for me. I made amazing friends, and we connected because we were all considered "outcasts". The teachers had one on one time with the students because the classes were smaller, and it was all around an amazing experience. Its amazing how just one rude comment can explode into a life changing experience. Unfortunately, too many people choose to take the wrong way and either wind up dead or killing someone else. Just wanted to let you know that I know what your kids are dealing with. Comments from my parents didnt help, no matter how supportive they were because school is a thing you absolutely have to have. And you have to go 5 days a week, so there is no escaping it. I was called vulgar names, pushed into book cases in the library, anything means they could do, I was their target. The thing I can look to is this... The kids that made fun of me have pretty much gone no where. They drink, do drugs and Lord knows what. Im in college, and I'm doing something with my life. I may not have had a wonderful childhood in school, but Im going on to achieve something great. Good luck and I'll keep your family in my thoughts.

 

[BFeathered]

Hooray for happy endings! So sorry your daughter had to go through that, it really stinks. So far, the snotty bunch at DD's school have left her alone, and she's made some good friends that make good choices. When the new kid at school last year melted down the 1st day, DD told me all about it. I happened to know that the kid has Aspergers (met Dad, and he told me), so I let DD know that he might have some trouble expressing himself appropriately sometimes, and to just treat him with kindness. DD and friends did so, and the rest of the class followed suit, so now the kid is known as "funny, crazy, a great artist" instead of "crybaby" and "wussie". Hopefully middle school will continue to be socially acceptable for DD, who is a year younger than her classmates.

 

[debilorrah]

My stepson tried to commit suicide and is now in a continuation school too and he is so far ahead he may actually graduate early. It was a good decision for us.

 

[theOEGBman]

Quote:
I graduated as a Junior! So sorry about all that happened to him, I was heading down that path as well. Im glad its working out well for him, I hope he goes far.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
I graduated as a Junior! So sorry about all that happened to him, I was heading down that path as well. Im glad its working out well for him, I hope he goes far.

He is a changed person. He suffers from psychosis and really needed medication. How he is in therapy and on his medication and doing really well.

 

[BFeathered]

So glad to hear that he's doing better, and that you had the wherewithall to recognize the need to get him appropriate help!

 

[debilorrah]

Sometimes it takes something drastic to wake us adults up. I am just glad he survived. I hope more people with kids read this thread, because bullying and lack of responsibility from schools is not acceptable in way, shape or form. the high school that my son was bullied at now has a 58% drop out rate. That says it all.

 

[Zookeeper9000]

Three weekends ago my 15 year old great neice tried to kill herself as the girls in school have been, well bully doesn't cover it. The super there let them have cell phones in class and they were texing her such crazy stuff it was unreal.

Seen her today for the first time, all her mother (my neice) could do was rant about the $16,000 the flight to life was billing her and how she didn't know if it was worth it if her insureance wouldn't cover it all. All 3 of her children were there including the one who had just tried to kill herself.

This great neice has an older sister, 18, she is on her 4th pregnacy, miscarried the 1st and the 3rd. She now lives with my sister (her grandmother) and her second child is 2 and my sister has complete guardianship of this 2 year old and is raising her, the 18 year old is due to deliver next month. It looks like state is going to take this 4th baby away and give it to my sister as well.

The 9 year old son well he is on the road to doing himself harm as well.

Both of the 2 girls are cutters it is just unreal that their mom does not care.

All I can say its thank God you are people who really care about your kids. I have prayed for this family for ever, tried everything to help that I could. We all have and we are a big family. State comes and goes and they do nothing for these kids. It is very sad and I just pray nobody has to die for the others to be helped.

Glad things have turned out so well. Gives me Hope.