Need advice and to vent and maybe make this panic attack go away...

[poconoadoptionfamily]

Thanks Anna!

 

[SpottedCrow]

Good luck with the meeting.
Hugs.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Well, the disrespectful behavior toward women after a visit with granddad is certainly a wakeup call, and if it were me, would severely curtail any visits, supervised or not. I would probably set boundaries about the type of behavior and attitudes that could not be exhibitied around my child, and give ONE supervised chance. The first time it was violated, no more visits whatsoever.

The suing for custody issue would be a huge concern. You both need to have a will that appoints a guardian for your son should you both pass. If each of your wills names someone OTHER than the grandparents, it should weigh large in the eyes of the court that neither of you wanted the grandparents to raise your son. In fact, you can actualy state that you do not want them raising him, although it might be painful for them to know that that was stated. But there is really no reason that they would know UNLESS they tried to sue for custody or were appointed as executor. In any case, speaking to a lawyer to protect your son's guardianship is important. No one who is young plans or expects to die, but it DOES happen. Better to be prepared when you know a tempest is brewing than to ignore it and hope it does not hit.

 

[rebel-rousing-at-night]

WOW! So many in-law problems.I sure hope things go well for you.When I married I didn't know he was a "Moma's Boy".I spent 13 tuff yrs. w/him. Yeah the panic attacks are really bad.His mother was a breed of her own.I left him many many years ago and still have a fear of MIL.I vowed to never marry another man whose mom was alive and I haven't.It still makes me tense up to think about it.I can understand family and in-laws not liking all involved but to be so open to your son in a negative way about you is damaging.
I'm glad you were able to talk to dh about this.I hope he stands up to them as he should.
Good Luck!

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

I totally get this. My MIL is learning disabled and mentally ill. I am not saying this to be snarky- it is a cold hard fact. She writes/reads on a 3rd grade level and is on 16 daily meds.

It is a hard balance, being respectful yet honorable to people that treat you cruelly. Recently things between my MIL degraded so bad (I was civil, she was un-civil to say the least) that now I and my children will never see her again in this lifetime.

I also agree that your PILs should not be around your 7 YO son. Your son can not learn that this is how families function- being cruel to people behind their backs. As mothers we have enough issues to deal with, undoing damage done by family members should not be one of those issues.

Sadly, I find that mothers with that attitude "my son deserves more' often have sweet little sons that never tell thier mothers off. Also these mothers tend to have soft weak little husbands or husbands that act like little gossipy old ladies.

I think the problem is not THEM, it is your husband. If he does not stand up to them, tell them how wonderful you are, and that if they do not respect you and honor you they are disowned- then he is contributing to the problem. You would be amazed how nice they would suddenly become.