Don't have much fight left in me...

[yourbadd]

I am exhausted from fighting...fighting with the insurance company which leads to fighting with my hubby which leads to fighting with myself.

I have been trying to get treatment for a chronic illness since January. The insurance company denied one medication that is very effective and another medication is subject to my deductible which means that I have to pay $1000 out of pocket before they'll cover anything. Needless to say, I don't have $1000. Due to my illness, I have trouble working.....can't really expect an employer to be okay with me running to the restroom 6-10 times per day. The insurance will completely cover a third medication that has awful side effects (potential cancers) and can take up to 3 months to show effectiveness. In the meantime, I'm jacked up on high doses of steroids, subject to horrible mood swings, water retention and sleeplessness. I'm a real peach to be around!!!

On top of all this, my husband desperately needs surgery to fix a torn rotator cuff and is REFUSING!! He's (rightfully) afraid we'll lose our house when he's off on disability for 6 weeks. We are struggling to make it as is, so reducing his pay to 60% will be suicide.

I just don't think I can fight anymore. We amazingly accumulated $1200 in a 3 weeks. My 11yr old daughter had a kidney stone and was seen in the ER to the tune of $378 and my son needed stitches on his chin to the tune of $241, Hubby had to have an MRI and I had to have a colonoscopy. We are paying almost $350 a month for insurance and it seems like it doesn't buy us anything!!!

All of this stress is causing depression too. I haven't even begun my garden...I just don't have the energy or desire. I've stopped going to most social events, I only clean my house when it's disgusting and bordering on a health hazard. My kid's homeschooling lessons have fallen a little behind and to be perfectly honest.....I don't really care. Inside, I know I should care...I just can't seem to find that emotion anymore. Seems like the harder I fight, the worse it gets.

I apologize for sounding like a whiney brat....I just needed a place to get these awful feeling off my chest. I can't talk to my hubby as it just adds to his burden and my extended family has problems of their own. I know everyone faces problems and my situation isn't unique or extreme in any way...but it's mine and in my life it's a big deal.

 

[happyhensny]

It is awfully hard when troubles seem to steamroll us. Hoping for this to ease soon and cherish the good things in your life. A hubby, son & daughter that are alive and with you through these tough times.

 

[beerman]

Sounds like you have luck like mine.

 

[MoSo]

Just addressing one issue - you might try to contact the company that makes the most effective drug, the one your insurance won't cover. Sometimes the drug companies offer a free or very low cost supply of the more expensive drugs.

As far as the other insurance issues go, I can really sympathize - we pay about $1,500 a month for insurance and it only kicks on after we've spent $7,500 out-of-pocket per person per year (and it never covers scripts - I've had to go to generics which don't work as well). It's really emotionally and physically draining to try to deal with the insurance companies and doctors. I read all of those "we don't NEED health insurance reform, everything's fine the way it is, USA has the best!" editorials and just shake my head.

 

[the4heathernsmom]

I am sorry for you dear.....Hang in there.....Easy to say I know but we have experienced similar issues recently too. I would not stress too much on the er visits....let that bill be there it can wait. Do what you ahve to do to keep going, to keep functional and take it one day, one problem at a time. You have to give yourself a break, don't worry about the garden.....if it troubles you then don't stress about it. The kids schooling is important and you said you knew that so do what you can right now and give yourself a break. Maybe just do a lesson here and there or let them be self directed for a bit until you feel better. I can't offer a solution for you but we have had similar stuff going on and the best way I have figured out to handle and cope is one small step at a time. I do a small chore and rest, then tackle that pile and rest.....sometimes taking baby steps instead of letting yourself be totally overwhelmed is the best choice. Don't feel alone, because you aren't!!!!

 

[Bettacreek]

Yuck, I can relate to the depression issues for sure. Maybe try signing on for medical assistance? They could at least help while your husband is on disability/medical leave. Check with your local assistance office and see if they can do anything (either now or when your hubby get surgery). For now, if you don't have bi-polar, try some St. John's Wort. It's REALLY effective at bringing you out of a slump. It works too well for me though, as I'm bi-polar and it ends up shooting me over the other side or giving me a mixed effect. Hang in there. This place is always great for emotional support. If you need to PM anyone, I'm always here (almost literally, lol).

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Disability pay is not taxed the same as regular income--so what you need to compare is not his lost wages versus the diability, but rather the lost NET wages minus the NET disability. THe NET difference may be less than you think. The idea of talking to the manufacturer of the medicine that works is a good idea. You might also look to see if you can find a policy that is strictly for covering prescriptions--they do exist. Also, ordering one three-month supply is usually significantly less expensive than ordering three one-month supplies. Some doctors are very willing to give out samples to patients who have financial difficulties with the cost of a prescription.

Have you appealed the denial? Did your doctor provide a good reasoning for why the formulary medicine should be replaced with one that is not on the formulary? He needs to have documented the fact that it does not work or causes you to experience serious side affects. If you keep pounding away at them, you may eventually get it covered.

All that $1200 counts towards your family deductible, but sometimes prescriptios have their own deductible; and sometimes they use the same one as regular health care.

Regular vitamins, especially the B vitamins can help with stress, and that is what it sounds like to me more than clinical depression (for that diagnosis you would need to see a physician). Make the effort to take vitamins, eat a healthy diet and get a good night's sleep. That won't eliminate your problems, but it may help you to work on them.

As was said, baby steps. Work on a little at a time. Sometimes for some people it is better to finish dealing with an entire issue before moving to another issue. For other people making small strides in several areas works better.

 

[sourland]

O.K. you've let that out. Now out into the garden. It's the best therapy. Just go in to "no think" for a while, then once again attack the insurance company. Try what Moso said about approaching the drug company- they sometimes do make deals. Good luck working all of this out. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[yourbadd]

Decided that my sad, little pity party has to be over!!! The only way I'm gonna get past all of this is to pick myself up and keep moving. It's too easy to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head and drown in a nasty pool of self-pity. I'm a little ashamed I let it get this far. There are families out there much worse off then mine and I lost sight of the blessing I do have. While my illness is bad, it isn't going to take me life. My kids are healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. My hubby has a job to go to everyday and we aren't out of the game just yet!!!

Got online this afternoon and applied for 5 jobs...all long shots but who knows....maybe my luck will change!! If the weather holds out tomorrow I'm gonna get my gardens ready for planting. Filled out an application for assistance with one of the medications...it might take several weeks to find out if I qualify but it's better than not trying.

Thank you to everyone who replied and your words of encouragement.....it was very needed.

 

[sfw2]