Funny Fart Stories

[zozotanarg17]

Fart lovers,come and share your gassy tales of window-rattlers, SBDs, sharts, brass-sections and just plain old toots til your sides hurt from laughing and you're having trouble catching your breath!

 

[zozotanarg17]

I'll start us off with a good one, one that has been told in our house for years and we still haven't stopped laughing. My dad has four brothers, and when they were young they had a Blues Brothers tribute band and played locally. On the night of one particular gig, they were playing away, and the song reached a point where they all had to take a deep breath of air for a big note. And so they did... and that's when my uncle's fart from hell filled their mouths. My dad describes it as rancid, tastes like dead cat and lasagna and it floated across the stage in its noxious death-cloud and had my dad and his brothers coughing and wheezing while the offending brother stood and grinned.

 

[TBirdsTheWord33]

When I was growing up, a good friend told me, "I have so much wisdom, it's coming out my YANG" ...then farted!!! I immediately shot back, "Ohp! There goes your wisdom!" We laughed hard over that for the longest time.

 

[zozotanarg17]

Haha! my mother does the worst farts and right now she is playing the brass section like her life depends on itXD

 

[Blooie]

When granddaughter, Little Diane, was just over 3, she got to play "Santa" along with some of her little cousins at the family Christmas get-together. Now, when I say family, think Waltons with a few extra in-laws, grands, nieces, nephews and siblings tossed in. Our family is huge, and we are fun loving, very tight-knit crew! Little Diane looked so cute in her little red dress, white tights, shiny black shoes and red bows in her long pigtails. And she was on her best behavior during dinner, remembering her "pleases" and "thank yous" and acting as grown up as a 3 year old can ever act. Each gift-passer-outer was chosen at random, as we do every year, and she was thrilled to be chosen for this honored job.

So it was time for gift passing and each of the 4 kids got their turn to hand them out. My youngest sister sat on the floor reading gift tags and telling each child who the gift was for. They delivered them with great dignity and seriousness. Everyone sat in a big circle - grownups in chairs and couches and kids in front of them on the floor. Little Diane was given a gift to take to my brother. She heaved that big box up and as she started across the floor in the middle of the big circle she let one fly! It was a doozy, too - I think the reindeer fell off the mantle! Her mother looked at her and quietly reminded her, "Diane, what to do you say?" And my sweet, well behaved Little Diane looked behind her and, eyes wide with wonder, said, "That one had teef!" Chaos ensued.

 

[TBirdsTheWord33]

Oh my gosh, Blooie! "That one had teef" is HILARIOUS! Knocked the reindeer off the mantle... I'm DYING! I've got to share this with my gas-loving husband. There's a really good one from his side of the family. I'll get the details down and share it.

Isn't it amazing how something so big can come out of something so tiny? My little ones can blow the walls down!

Oh, how I wish @shortgrass was on here. Her stories are ALWAYS funny!

 

[The Great Ayam]

Ok...this one is hilarious...some years ago, I was hanging out with my cousin, Aunt and Uncle. We had dinner at Olive Garden and then stopped off at Guitar Center to check out the keyboards (for me) and guitars (for my cousin).

There was a mini stage/platform inside with stool-like seats around and some guy was playing the guitar while the people would stop, sit and listen. I had never before nor after that seen anything like that going on in the store.

My aunt sat down on one of the leather stool seats. When she moved around to say something to me, the seat made a noise very similar to a fart. Her face was so funny and we both laughed. But, this was only the beginning of what was to come...

Eventually, we had separated and were in different parts of the store. I was looking at a rack of sheet music. Before long, I noticed my uncle, aunt and cousin were coming over to where I was and out of habit I made a fart sound with my mouth. My uncle said, "Oh, don't do that. I really have to..." He proceeded to let out a loud, long fart that went on...Here's the best part: at that EXACT moment the guy who had been playing the guitar on the platform stopped and there was no music or noise...nothing but the sound of my uncle's gas emission! I looked up and saw horror on my aunt's face as she exclaimed, "I know that sound!!!" Suddenly, the severity of the situation hit my uncle as he realized that everyone in the store was hearing him! And, to this day, I don't know where he went, but he vanished! We could not find him.

Even funnier was the fact that almost instantly my aunt and I noticed that there was NO ONE in the store! Again, I have no idea where everyone went! But, we could not stop laughing that the whole store left after my uncle's outburst! However, we did see this one young guy almost running to the front of the store, and my aunt and I laughed, "Look at the guy running to get out of here!" (I don't know where he was really going, but we were laughing so hard by now.)

After a few moments of wondering where my uncle had gone, we noticed a room off to itself where a couple guys were playing guitars. So, we checked to see if he was in there. He was not inside. But, not very long after that, we looked up to see my uncle coming toward us. She pointed at him through the glass and yelled, "No! Don't let that man in here!" My uncle looked horrified and once again disappeared! And, the two guys who had been playing guitars in that room put the guitars down and the left the store! We literally cleared everyone out of that place!!!

To this day, we laugh about that story. I will never forget it. And, all because of dinner at Olive Garden.

 

[Alexandra33]

@The Great Ayam , that's sooooooooh hilarious!

-Alex

 

[yochickiemomma]

Oh my gosh!!!!! These stories are too funny especially for someone like me who finds humor in all farts. I get high fives from my hubby when I let a good one go. My father-in-law calls farting and burping a northern MI mating call.

 

[TBirdsTheWord33]

Oh my gosh!!!!! These stories are too funny especially for someone like me who finds humor in all farts. I get high fives from my hubby when I let a good one go. My father-in-law calls farting and burping a northern MI mating call.

That's awesome! When I let one go, my husband doesn't stick around long enough to give me a high five... he runs for his life! Hahaha!