I'm not sure what horrible is. The two years of being sick and not knowing what was wrong with me was pretty horrible. I was in the hospital a few times and had 7 or 8 blood transfusions, I can't remember exactly.
Then they sent me to OHSU. They are a research hospital and the most amazing place I've ever visited. Suddenly there were teams of doctors trying to figure out what was going on. But, after more than a week, and all the same tests, and no answers, I told my husband on the phone I was finished. (He couldn't visit me at the time because of Covid.) I told him, next time I had no blood to support my body, I just wanted to peacefully pass in my bed. No more hospitals. He understood.
Then something happened. In my mind I started hearing the words to a song I didn't know very well. The words I recalled at that moment were, "Smile, like you just got away with something, because you just got away with something." As a Christian, I knew instantly that was the Lord saying He was extending grace to me, even though I was ready to throw my life away. I looked up the song and there was this wonderful rendition of it with all these dancing people over the years, starting with Ginger Rogers, and I laughed and laughed. A nurse came in and I shared it with her. I said, I was just healed.
Next morning, the lead doctor came in to say they found the tumor and were discussing whether to shrink it first or just remove it. I said if I have a vote, just remove it. They did the next day. I knew then that I was totally healed, but the oncologist put me on a chemotherapy anyway that I would have to be on for the rest of my life. After 4 1/2 years, this Christmas season when I was making my cookies, I went off it for a few days to get through it. Then I called him and said I wanted off it altogether. Suddenly I was me again. Not tired, not in pain, not nauseous. I just wanted my life back. He agreed, with the order to have scans every three months. Well, that is a fair trade.
So that is my very long story, that I rarely share because it can't be shared in a few words.
This is the video that turned my life around that night...
I hope you have a good night!
Good night sweet lady.
