What's UR Fav Poem, Saying, Quote, Riddle, Joke, Limerick, Song, ETC

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"The Big Game"

There are two old guys in a park feeding birds,Bob and Sam. They are big baseball fans so they talk about baseball a lot.

Bob asked Sam, "I wonder if there is baseball in heaven?" Sam didn't know.

Two weeks later,Bob dies so Sam is all alone feeding the birds, whilst he is sat there Sam hears Bob's voice saying, "Sam,Sam."

Sam says,"Bob is that you?"

Bob answers,"Yes,I have good news and bad news. "

Sam asked,"What's the good news?"Bob tells him there is baseball in heaven. Sam asked what the bad news is.Bob says, "Your pitching Friday."
 
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"Theory Of Creation"

Theory of Creation God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years." The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry, then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grand children.
 
Jethro:
That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.

Jethro explaining bowling:
I think I got this game figured out. You throw the ball down this gully. Then you throw yourself down the other gully, and try to hit them snake-hittin' clubs before the ball does.

Granny: Elly May done popped the buttons off her shirt again.
Jed Clampett: Elly May carries herself proud with her shoulders throwed back.
Granny: It ain't her shoulders that have been poppin' these buttons.

[Jethro and Cousin Pearl are driving in the truck to Jed's place]
Cousin Pearl: Jethro, did you take care of those old brakes like I told you to?
Jethro: Yes, Ma, I pulled them off the truck yesterday. The new brakes should be coming in the mail next week.
 

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