What's UR Fav Poem, Saying, Quote, Riddle, Joke, Limerick, Song, ETC

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LATE TO SCHOOL AGAIN

>
> "Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little
> Sammy.
>
> "It ain't my fault this time," Miss Crabtree. "You
> can blame this'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three
> hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
>
> Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for
> thirty-some- odd years. Despite her mounting fears,
> she asked little Sammy what he meant by that.
>
> Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of
> his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old
> friends, but he always told her the truth.
>
> "You see, Miss Crabtree; out at the ranch we got
> this here low down coyote. The last few nights he
> done ate six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. Last night,
> when
> Daddy heard a noise out in the
> chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to Ma,
> "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'"
>
> 'Stay back, he whispered to all us kids!"
>
> He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no
> shirt!
>
> To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on
> the snoop. Then he stuck that double barreled 12
> Gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he
> stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind,
> our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and comes
> sneakin' up behind Daddy. Then as we all looked on
> plumb helpless; old Zeke stuck his cold nose in
> Daddy's crack!
> "Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock
this
> mornin'!"
>
 
Mahatma Ghandi decides to renew his faith by going on a 40 day pilgrimage.

Foregoing all but the barest of necessities.

So barefoot, armed with only 40 gloves of garlic and a canteen, he sets off, wandering the desert for 40 days & nights.

As each day passes, Ghandi becomes weaker & weaker with each step, each step causing blisters to form and the garlic is giving him some incredibly bad breath.

That is how Ghandi become known as.....











Wait for it....





Wait for it.....







"super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."
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It's my favorite I also like this one....

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.

The dentist examines him and says, “That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”

The man replies, “All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some Hollandaise sauce on it that was delicious. I loved it so much I now put it on everything I eat.”

“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time I’ll use chrome.”

“Why chrome?” asks the patient.


To which the dentist replies.......
















“Everyone knows there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”
 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

The frog croaks, "Miss Whack, I'd like to take out a $30,000 loan so that I can go on a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, the amphibious son of singer Mick Jagger, and he goes on to say that he knows the bank manager.

Miss Whack explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager, and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
 
A teacher was reading the story of 'Chicken Little' to her class of
little ones. At the point in the story where Chicken Little said to
the farmer, "The sky is falling". The teacher asked, "What do you
think he farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and
responded. "Holy S***, a talking chicken"
 

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