Why do most people marry?

[Magic Birdie]

All I know is that they usually hate each other afterwards.

 

[Spookwriter]

I don't know about that "hate" thing.

I do open doors for her. Does that surprise you?

I can also push shopping buggies, plant flowers where
she tells me and I can even do things like dust, wash the
dishes and even vacuum.

And even worse, I can do it with a smile. As near as I can
tell, doing those things does not hurt me.

Spook

 

[redhen]

Those are the people that should'nt have gotten married in the first place...

All I know is that they usually hate each other afterwards.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Chickend
Quote: I appreciate your clarification, as yeah, that deviates far and wide into an area that I have no interest being in myself. If you do honestly feel that the sanctity of your chosen definition of marriage is ruined by someone pointing out that marriage is not an exclusive concept or term that any one group can claim, I would suggest coming up with a term that *is* specific to whatever you want it to be exclusive to.

Beekissed:

Quote: Told ya you are now wiser than most due to those relationships! Many of my friends choose to celebrate Valentine's Day by celebrating friendship instead of romance. They've found other forms of love and relationships make them much happier people.

 

[zzGypsy]

I wanna get married one day. Why?
Cuz he will be an excellent man! He will be my perfect everything! It just seems like a tying of our hearts for life. Or some other cheesy definition like that. I certainly wouldn't my perfect someone being flocked by other women (or men) because they don't see he's married.

I love your hopefulness!
and just a hint from someone who's been there, three times... he won't be your perfect everything... but if he's good enough, on enough things, and perfect on a few, you can make a wonderful life together.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

When I tend to her needs and she tends to my needs we are complete which relates to this thread as one facet of the marriage committment, you know "for better or for worse". Sometimes it does seem lopsided but when you love unconditionally as in your vow you do not give up... easily.

That's just it. The men of my generation don't ever seem to tend to the needs of their wives first. It does work if you are tending to her needs and she is tending to yours. That's what I see in the older generations. For some reason all of the men in my generation seem to expect that their wife will do everything and that they get to coast.

I'm not saying that the husband and wife take care of the same chores in the household. What I'm saying is that there should be some balance. Most marriages I see are completely lopsided in the man's favor and they never balance out the other way. Most of the women I know are tired and worn out and would love a little help. Having a husband often seems like having another child to take care of. In the case of my friend the other day, her husband sat at home all day reading and watching TV. Dinner should have been on the table when she got home. The house should have been picked up. Laundry and dishes should have been done. Instead, she had to come in and cook, so dinner was late. She had to rush around getting chores done and then she fell into bed. This woman has been exhausted since the first kid arrived 9 years ago. How is her husband taking care of her needs? It's this way with every married couple I know of my generation.

Whereas, my friends in dating relationships get pampered and cared for. Their concerns are heard and the guy falls all over himself to make them happy. (The women are of course doing the same for their boyfriends.) Why does this end with the "I do"?

 

[EweSheep]

The reason it ends when couples say I do is this.....courtship. Once he marries her, he is done winning her fancy and he knows she will make a good wife. Same for vice versa.

I've been hearing more and more women are proposing to men than men proposing to women. Took me a little time to get used to it.

 

[chickened]

I suppose there are many reasons why a marriage ends in divorce, my feelings are one or the other does not care enough to take serious what they say they will do and put forth the effort. A woman needs to find a way to a man's heart if she does that she has it made but she needs to seek. Men have this idea that as long as they give the wife security and or sex they have done their job as a husband. I am disgusted sometimes how men treat their wives. They treat the dog better or their truck better. How is a boy suppose to learn to be a man with out a man in his life? from his mother the nurturer? It does not work that way except for rare cases. The other problems are when professionals who some have no experience but try to help them by shifting their problems to another area of their life with big words and drugs when what they really need is an eye opening experience like maybe wife bringing home another man (prevoked by jealousy) or some other method that makes him uncomfortable. After 2 years of dating my wife was ready to leave me had I not asked her to marry. The other part is for the women they are always to quick to give away what they have to every man they date when if they wait that usually weeds out the philanderers and leaves you with the guys that might actually care. As with your friend if that would happen in our home my wife would have had dinner at a restaurant or not cooked it that evening. One thing that does not work with men is nagging, women should say it, mean it, and follow through or not say it.

I understand why some choose not to marry because co-habitation just requires you get along and exist together, marriage is a commitment a job so to speak it requires so much more than shackin' up to be successful which is a must. You throw 2 people together without any promises to each other it will never grow into what God intended marriage to be. And I am not referring to any other arrangement other than traditional marriage when I say this as I said earlier I believe this type of marriage (cannot believe I have to define it) offers the best life for a woman.

That's just it. The men of my generation don't ever seem to tend to the needs of their wives first. It does work if you are tending to her needs and she is tending to yours. That's what I see in the older generations. For some reason all of the men in my generation seem to expect that their wife will do everything and that they get to coast.

I'm not saying that the husband and wife take care of the same chores in the household. What I'm saying is that there should be some balance. Most marriages I see are completely lopsided in the man's favor and they never balance out the other way. Most of the women I know are tired and worn out and would love a little help. Having a husband often seems like having another child to take care of. In the case of my friend the other day, her husband sat at home all day reading and watching TV. Dinner should have been on the table when she got home. The house should have been picked up. Laundry and dishes should have been done. Instead, she had to come in and cook, so dinner was late. She had to rush around getting chores done and then she fell into bed. This woman has been exhausted since the first kid arrived 9 years ago. How is her husband taking care of her needs? It's this way with every married couple I know of my generation.

Whereas, my friends in dating relationships get pampered and cared for. Their concerns are heard and the guy falls all over himself to make them happy. (The women are of course doing the same for their boyfriends.) Why does this end with the "I do"?

 

[sourland]

Ed I actually agree with you.

I would, however, add that 'this type of marriange' also offers the best life for a man.

Citygirl, I'm not sure that I agree with you. Both my son and son in law are far more involved in the raising of their children than I was. Son in law in particular really lightens the workload for my daughter - washes clothes, helps with cleaning up after dinner. I'm not sure that either are as diligent about opening doors, pulling out chairs, and helping with coats as I am - but they are both considerate and helpful with their spouses. You've just been meeting the wrong guys.

Love is a process. It is ongoing and ever evolving. Consideration is key. My wife and I never separate or come back together without a kiss and an 'I love you.'

As zzGypsy said no one can be your perfect everything. Be your own best everything and good things will come to you.

 

[chickened]

Marriage is not about me it is about we. The definition that I use specifically to define marriage is the same one our government and laws use so I suggest you and likeminded stick with the ones you have adopted, signifigant other, partner, girlfriend boyfriend, companion, or whatever. Like it or not marriage did originate from a religiously dominated culture a time when everything revolved around submitting to a higher power. Read your history of cultures they all had gods they all had rituals or ceromonies from the Bible or by revelation and yes even witch doctors... which would have been the therapists of that time.

Chickend
I appreciate your clarification, as yeah, that deviates far and wide into an area that I have no interest being in myself. If you do honestly feel that the sanctity of your chosen definition of marriage is ruined by someone pointing out that marriage is not an exclusive concept or term that any one group can claim, I would suggest coming up with a term that *is* specific to whatever you want it to be exclusive to.

Beekissed:

Told ya you are now wiser than most due to those relationships! Many of my friends choose to celebrate Valentine's Day by celebrating friendship instead of romance. They've found other forms of love and relationships make them much happier people.