My mother has officially lost it!

[texaschick-a-dee]

I just need to go on a lil rant here!!!!!
Me and my mother have never had a good relationship. She was never "motherly". She had my brother at 15 and me at 18, has been married 6 times and would move off with her new husband and leave us to be raised by our grandparents. I have been married for 16 years and have 4 children and absolutely refuse to take parenting advice from someone that never raised their own children. I have been told by this woman that she didn't want me and only had me because my father insisted on having another kid, she was perfectly happy with only my brother. Also that the reason that she doesn't ever get on my brother's case is because "he was a good kid and you weren't". We have never been able to be together long without her wanting to attack some aspect of my life.
Soooooooo.........last Friday she wanted to take my son fishing and was substituting at his school. Instead of asking me first she asks him and wants him to ask me. I told him no he couldn't go because he has failing grades in 3 classes due to zeros for not turning work in. Friday I also had to go to the doctor because I've been having health issues, heart palpatations, fatigue, etc..... well my blood pressure was high and my heart rate was 106, he thought he heard a heart murmur and so I have to go in for an ECG and see a cardiologist. That afternoon she calls me and I tell her why he can't go and she just starts going off on how that's stupid and it's the end of school so his grades shouldn't matter, blah, blah, blah. I calmly tell her "I am not going to listen to this, I've been to the doctor today and I my blood pressure is high and my heart rate is high" she then proceeds to scream at me and tell me that my blood pressure is high because I'm hateful. I had to just calmly say "yeah I'm the hateful one but I'm not the one screaming". Oh this woman drives me insane!! Has anyone ever completely cut ties with a parent because they're nuts?

 

[HenPen]

Yes.....and life is much better now. I am sorry you have to deal with such craziness,just thinking back on what I dealt with makes me nuts and it don't seem near as bad as what you are dealing with....I wish you well and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Yes, many people do. The question is how do you want or need to do it? Harshly and final or just a nice push away with room for later improvement?

Mean people are optional.

 

[redhen]

If she causes you stress like that..i wouldnt have contact with her. I would not answer my phone or door. Let her stew and think for a bit.

 

[dun chick]

My lord I am so sorry your mother treats you that way. She should be ashamed. I never had to cut ties with a parent. My mom died when I was a baby. My sister who is 19 years older always treated me like she was my mom but really resented me from day one. Ten years ago I cut ties with her when she was scaring my kids and one day showed up at my house, complaining it was dirty and should not be leaving my kids alone. Please keep in mind I was working 50 hour weeks, there were some dishes in the dishwasher and my kids were 15,13,12 and my dh was actually working around the corner at the neighbors and just happened to be away when she popped in. I told her to leave my house or I would call the police and really gave her a piece of my mind. She told me I did not deserve kids(she does not have any). She told me my dh must be abusing me because I never spoke that way til I got married. No I finally got some confidence in myself and spoke how I felt and I was fed up.
IF your mom is making you crazy and sick, maybe a good idea just to cut ties for a while to cool off. Tell her if she does not want a relationship with you, she can't have any with your children. Eventually she might try to turn them against you. I don't mean to sound negative but she does not seem to act like she cares about you and honey I'm sorry for that, you need to take care of yourself.

 

[tn_artist]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with your mother. I havn't cut ties with my mother (one of my best friends), but I have cut ties with my sister. My BFF has also cut ties with her sister. I can't imagine not having my mother as a sounding board and confidante. Anyway, you are the parent and you don't have to listen to ANYONE else about raising your son. You have been through a tough childhood, learned from your mothers mistakes, pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and are doing a great job. As a teacher who didn't make good grades in school (laziness not inability) I applaud your choice to keep him from playing when he hasn't been doing well in school.

Your grades will follow you forever, believe me! There are always other times for fishing and you never know what she will say to your son behind your back!
Keep up the good work, get caller ID so you can choose not to answer the phone if it is her, and take care of your health!!!!!!!! If your not around to raise him, you surely do not want her to be the one that does!
Good Luck!

 

[rancher hicks]

Absolutely and you shouldn't feel bad. My mother drank and my kids never saw grandma until she straightened up. The more you let someone abuse you the more they will. I have actually thrown my mother out of my house.
Did it feel good? Of course not, but my kids come first and yours should too. Even moving out of the area if necessary.
Did I love her? Of course I did but if her being around me made her feel bad then I helped her by staying away.
She past away years ago and I have no regrets.
Love ya, be strong for your family.

 

[rizq]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

Mean people are optional.

I like that quote. I have not cut ties with my crazy mother, but she is not nearly as bad as yours sounds. She is usually very hurtful and is the #1 trigger for my anxiety attacks. She once even told me that it was my fault that my ill Grandmother went downhill and died so quickly (not in those words, but what she said could not have been taken any other way). Grandma and I were always really close and there was NOTHING in the world she has ever said or could have said that would have been more hurtful ... and there have a LOT of hurtful things. Then she likes to lay guilt trips on me because we do not have a storybook relationship where I tell her everything that is going on in my life ... not the way it works ... too much water under the bridge, and it is still rising!

Anyway, my step dad always tells me to limit my exposure to emotionally damaging people. I still talk to my mother, but not often. I have moved 1400 miles away, however, and that definitely helps.

Good luck with what you decide. It is perfectly reasonable to cut ties with an emotionally damaging person, even your mother. You need to protect yourself and your family.​

 

[melissastraka]

Yes, I have cut ties with my mother. I will give you a quick overview and then you will feel better....

My mother has mental issues and health issues. When my 1st son was born i was 18 and she thought it was her job to raise him, not mine! I worked, supported him, everything. I got divorced and re-married and my mother handed my current DH a bill at my wedding, she paid for none of it, for my adoption fees, the cost of raising me for 18 years, my first wedding, my divorce and for pain and suffering!!!!!!! AT MY WEDDING!!!! So, I forgave her after a couple of months, moved two states away with my DH for his job. She would come to visit my 3 children and only take my 1st son shopping, to dinner, ect and tell me she didnt care about the rest! That was it!!!! I was having panic attacks at 25! So, we moved back to WA when i was prego with my twins for help, my DH's family. She had my car repo'ed which was mine! Told the entire town i was a adult film star, my DH was a drug dealer and called CPS on me!!!!! I wasnt in the state more then 2 months when all this happened. She would drive by my house trying to get to my son! I got a restraining order, went into premature labor with my twins (they are fine) and sued her! We are still in court for all of this, 3 years later. My DH couldnt find a job because of the rumors she started and wasnt allowed to work in schools so he voluntered for 3 years...now she says he is distrubting steriods to athletes (he is a coach). The rumors have finally been proved untrue, my dad has divorced her and i am now reestablishing a relationship with him but from a distance.

I feel your pain, a lot. It was a hard thing to do but i have never been happier. My kids are healthy and i havent had a panic attack in 3 years!

 

[aberfitch]

block your number and lock your doors. you dont need that stress.