Thank you so much.Oh my goodness... Sunrise, I can't imagine how experiencing this must be. I will be praying for you, your husband, your family, and the soul of your sweet baby. That is a beautiful name, and the story behind it is beautiful as well.
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine that. I'll be praying for you and your husband.I feel like maybe I'm ready to share now, since the ordeal is finally over...
It's a really hard thing to share, but a part of me feels very strongly that it should be shared. A lot of people don't talk about it, I think often because of shame, but there is no shame in this.
A TW will be at the top of the spoiler just in case.
TW: Miscarriage
I strongly feel the need to share this, despite it's intimate and tragic nature. Perhaps I feel the need to preserve the memory.
We were expecting a honeymoon baby (sex unknown) in early August of this year, but unfortunately over the weekend we got the word in the ER that we were likely having a miscarriage. I was 11 weeks pregnant, and went in for bleeding, which has started on Wednesday and increased slowly. There was honestly little doubt in my mind about what had happened. I felt like I'd known it would happen all along. I also felt all along like it was a boy.
Yesterday evening is when it finally did happen, and the shower was my best friend for a good two or three hours. The pain was so intense I couldn't talk about I could barely move, but thankfully it came in waves. We were able to save the little body, for which I am incredibly grateful, and we are planning a burial this week or next.
We named it Alexis Ray, after the (male) Saint Alexis Toth of Minnesota, and I suppose that's the most unisex we're getting when it comes to Saint's names. ;P It means Defender of the Light. My Dad suggested the middle name.
My body will be recovering for a while. I nearly fainted this morning when I first stood up before remembering I had experienced significant blood loss, and that actually gave me a good laugh (also because of my chronic illness, I'm no stranger to near misses, lol). I also feel a little weak and shaky in my fine motor control, but I'm sure iron supplementation will help remedy that in a few days.
I am physically wounded, but emotionally, I feel as though God has been protecting me. I've cried, of course, but for some reason I'm really very okay. It's as if my heart and soul have been held in gentle hands and surrounded by angels this entire time. I will not fail to miss and mourn my little one, but after I coerced myself into church this past Sunday, I have just felt so light. The sadness isn't burdening, or suffocating at all, though it still exists. It's strange. I feel like I am just grateful for this whole experience, even though it was so horrible, and I'm not sure why. It is a joyful sadness, and I am not sure how that can be. :')
Our priest stopped by last night to say some prayers for Alexis (Alexios in the Greek apparently) and myself. We were on his route home from bible study, so I was grateful for the timing of it all.
Thank you for all of your prayers, it's much appreciated. It was a hard several days, but by the grace of God I can move on with a cheerful face and still remember our little Alexios, who is awaiting us in heaven. ♥
Thank you.Aw, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine that. I'll be praying for you and your husband.
Hey, could you guys be praying for us? We've just been having a rough week. Nothing's wrong with us, it's just circumstances, and I'm not quite feeling ready to share yet.
I'm very very sorry! I'll be praying for you and a good recovery!I feel like maybe I'm ready to share now, since the ordeal is finally over...
It's a really hard thing to share, but a part of me feels very strongly that it should be shared. A lot of people don't talk about it, I think often because of shame, but there is no shame in this.
A TW will be at the top of the spoiler just in case.
TW: Miscarriage
I strongly feel the need to share this, despite it's intimate and tragic nature. Perhaps I feel the need to preserve the memory.
We were expecting a honeymoon baby (sex unknown) in early August of this year, but unfortunately over the weekend we got the word in the ER that we were likely having a miscarriage. I was 11 weeks pregnant, and went in for bleeding, which has started on Wednesday and increased slowly. There was honestly little doubt in my mind about what had happened. I felt like I'd known it would happen all along. I also felt all along like it was a boy.
Yesterday evening is when it finally did happen, and the shower was my best friend for a good two or three hours. The pain was so intense I couldn't talk about I could barely move, but thankfully it came in waves. We were able to save the little body, for which I am incredibly grateful, and we are planning a burial this week or next.
We named it Alexis Ray, after the (male) Saint Alexis Toth of Minnesota, and I suppose that's the most unisex we're getting when it comes to Saint's names. ;P It means Defender of the Light. My Dad suggested the middle name.
My body will be recovering for a while. I nearly fainted this morning when I first stood up before remembering I had experienced significant blood loss, and that actually gave me a good laugh (also because of my chronic illness, I'm no stranger to near misses, lol). I also feel a little weak and shaky in my fine motor control, but I'm sure iron supplementation will help remedy that in a few days.
I am physically wounded, but emotionally, I feel as though God has been protecting me. I've cried, of course, but for some reason I'm really very okay. It's as if my heart and soul have been held in gentle hands and surrounded by angels this entire time. I will not fail to miss and mourn my little one, but after I coerced myself into church this past Sunday, I have just felt so light. The sadness isn't burdening, or suffocating at all, though it still exists. It's strange. I feel like I am just grateful for this whole experience, even though it was so horrible, and I'm not sure why. It is a joyful sadness, and I am not sure how that can be. :')
Our priest stopped by last night to say some prayers for Alexis (Alexios in the Greek apparently) and myself. We were on his route home from bible study, so I was grateful for the timing of it all.
Thank you for all of your prayers, it's much appreciated. It was a hard several days, but by the grace of God I can move on with a cheerful face and still remember our little Alexios, who is awaiting us in heaven. ♥
Thank you <3
Of course! If I lived near you, I would certainly make you some food and goodies!
Awe, that's so sweet of you.
Oh my goodness!! I'm so sorry. This has to be very hard, and I can't even imagine the pain you've gone through. I'll be sure to keep you in my prayersI feel like maybe I'm ready to share now, since the ordeal is finally over...
It's a really hard thing to share, but a part of me feels very strongly that it should be shared. A lot of people don't talk about it, I think often because of shame, but there is no shame in this.
A TW will be at the top of the spoiler just in case.
TW: Miscarriage
I strongly feel the need to share this, despite it's intimate and tragic nature. Perhaps I feel the need to preserve the memory.
We were expecting a honeymoon baby (sex unknown) in early August of this year, but unfortunately over the weekend we got the word in the ER that we were likely having a miscarriage. I was 11 weeks pregnant, and went in for bleeding, which has started on Wednesday and increased slowly. There was honestly little doubt in my mind about what had happened. I felt like I'd known it would happen all along. I also felt all along like it was a boy.
Yesterday evening is when it finally did happen, and the shower was my best friend for a good two or three hours. The pain was so intense I couldn't talk about I could barely move, but thankfully it came in waves. We were able to save the little body, for which I am incredibly grateful, and we are planning a burial this week or next.
We named it Alexis Ray, after the (male) Saint Alexis Toth of Minnesota, and I suppose that's the most unisex we're getting when it comes to Saint's names. ;P It means Defender of the Light. My Dad suggested the middle name.
My body will be recovering for a while. I nearly fainted this morning when I first stood up before remembering I had experienced significant blood loss, and that actually gave me a good laugh (also because of my chronic illness, I'm no stranger to near misses, lol). I also feel a little weak and shaky in my fine motor control, but I'm sure iron supplementation will help remedy that in a few days.
I am physically wounded, but emotionally, I feel as though God has been protecting me. I've cried, of course, but for some reason I'm really very okay. It's as if my heart and soul have been held in gentle hands and surrounded by angels this entire time. I will not fail to miss and mourn my little one, but after I coerced myself into church this past Sunday, I have just felt so light. The sadness isn't burdening, or suffocating at all, though it still exists. It's strange. I feel like I am just grateful for this whole experience, even though it was so horrible, and I'm not sure why. It is a joyful sadness, and I am not sure how that can be. :')
Our priest stopped by last night to say some prayers for Alexis (Alexios in the Greek apparently) and myself. We were on his route home from bible study, so I was grateful for the timing of it all.
Thank you for all of your prayers, it's much appreciated. It was a hard several days, but by the grace of God I can move on with a cheerful face and still remember our little Alexios, who is awaiting us in heaven. ♥
So many random things all coming together, and I know God is looking out for us, especially now. I'm so grateful.
Aw, that is absolutely beautiful!We had the little funeral today.
We kind of have a little miracle (starting with the fact that we were able to save it to bury). It would have cost $600 to get the plot, but back in the 1950s or so, someone had an infant plot but didn't use it. They donated it to the city, and we received it for free. In addition, our Kumbaros (sponsor for our marriage) had made a box years ago for another woman in the church who had a miscarriage. They unfortunately weren't able to save their baby in order to use it. That gal came by last night and gave the box to us, along with enough taco soup for two dinners. It was gorgeous. Just a simple flip-close Box that our Kumbaros had written and drawn on. There were quotes from the Nicene Creed and a prayer, and a cross on the top. Inside, their were icons of Christ and the Theotokos (Theo = Mother (of) Tokos = God. I.e., The Virgin Mary), a small wooden St. Anthony's Cross (three bar), and a burial cloth. It was lined with white fleece and had a thick fleece pillow on the bottom. Another woman from church came (who actually shares our baby's first name), who had also miscarried at 11w and has been so supportive of me all this week, and she brought flowers. I started crying when I saw the flowers, because I had so wanted some, but we hadn't the time to get them. The last little thing that stuck out to me was the fact that the baby "next door", buried around '54 or '55, had the same middle name as ours.
