Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[beak]

My Dad used to fart in bed then pull the covers over my mothers head. You could always tell because she would be screaming at him from under the covers. I tried it with my wife. She wasn't amused.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Quote:
Oh, that's called a Dutch Oven! DBF always forgets what it's called and calls it a "Crock Pot".

He loves doing it to our obnoxious cat who likes being under the covers.

"Stove pipe" is when you're spooning and the spoonee farts.

 

[Pupsnpullets]

Ok, I've laughed so long and hard I've let my coffee get cold - my first coffee of the day, no less!! Previously unheard of behavior for me.

This is one of my funniest stories:

My friend's delightful 10 year old daughter was a huge Britney Spears fan. I remember the day when she was standing on the diving board, dressed in her little pink cowboy hat with her little pink sequined cowboy boots, holding an old karaoke microphone pretending she was on stage singing Britney tunes. She wasn't aware that anyone was watching, so she was totally in the moment. Next thing she rips a good one. She paused, momentarily taken by surprise, then immediately switched tunes and started singing 'Oops, I did it again.....'

I collapsed onto the sofa laughing fit to pee my pants

 

[key west chick]

My DH fans the covers after he lets when rip in the bed!

 

[English Chick]

Quote:

oh my LOVE it.....

 

[FrenchHen]

my mother classifies them.

There's the wooden chair poot. You know...all rattly.

Then there's the peanut butter poot. It sticks around.

Paper mills are safe farting zones because you don't know if it's the mill or someone else.

There's the one cheek rocker fart.

Then there's the car seat ghost toot that comes back to haunt you when you get out of the car.

The most abnoxious gas of all time came when I was working at a summer conference center.
I took my mom to a mexican place and she ate the beans.

Later that night we're sleeping in the bunkbed and she kept letting off cheap mexican food peanut butter upward air currant seeking death missiles.

I was on the top bunk.

 

[runamuck]

Ok.... Here goes..... I had only been dating my to be hubby about a mo. And at this point we couldn't stand to be apart for more then a couple hours. His uncle bought a car (mach 3 ) Here in the Detroit area and he lived in Ok so Jay offered to drive it to him with me in tow. The trip down was fun but let me tell you the choice of foods were not what I consider "Tummy Friendly" and I have shy bowel syndrome anyway so Public pooping just doesn't happen. We arrive..... His aunt has wonderful Italian sausage made with onions and Green peppers added to my rather grumpy tummy . Then his cousins took us drinking toss a huge beer sized mug of rum and coke on top of the science experiment brewing in my belly. The next morning..... We had an early flight home... At this point I'm beginning to feel like I may explode soooo as we are walking down the loading platform and I have to fart.... Soooooo I manged to eeekkkk it out a bit at a time and wow!!!!!! talk about paint peeling stink. At this poing Jay says REALLY loud OMG!!!!! Do you smell that PEEE UUUU ugh That guy FARTED..... Man .... something died in there..... I hope I dont have to sit next to that guy on the flight pee u !!!!! I'm totally mortified so I keep my mouth shut... Thank goodness it was a one time fart lol . I didn't tell hubby it was me who did that fart until we had been married 5 yr after he had told everyone he knew and even strangers about the killer fart on the airplane made by me

 

[WriterofWords]

1st
My grandma had a problem and when she walked she went Pop Pop Pop with almost every step. When I was about 6 I got separated from her in Piggly Wiggly and I was standing there very quietly listening for her. A worker walked about and did the usual "Are you lost little girl" bit and I said just wait and shushed her. Then I heard pop, pop, pop, and hollared "There she is!!!!"

2nd
Right after my second ex husband and I got married, the second night we were sharing a bed in our lives.... lol.. he suddenly leaps out of bed, and runs and sticks his butt out of the bedroom door! I asked what he was doing and he told me it was rude to fart in bed so instead he ran to the door and fumed the cats in the hallway.

3rd
Same ex husband, 2 years later, we were hunting in SE New Mexico, it was freezing and snowing, I was sleeping in the van with a heater and he, his dad, two brother and 2 other hunters were in the tent. I woke up to yelling and an orange glow, the idiots had burned the tent down trying to light their farts on fire! It was funny, until the ammo started to blow.

4th
Two days ago in front of my 6th graders I was talking about plate tectonics, and stretched up to draw what an uplift looks like and did the loudest fart I've done in my lifetime. They didn't know what to do,, so I told them it's ok, laugh, and I sat down and laughed until I almost cried, so did they!

Oddly enough though, they never told anyone else, they kept it in the class!

 

[mom'sfolly]

OMG!! I'm laughing so hard I started coughing, and the family came in to see if I was all right. I still can't stop coughing and my face is covered with tears.

Thanks!!!!!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Well, since we are all sharing, and I'm laughing so hard my husband thinks I've lost it...

Hubby and I had been married for a little over 2 years, and were moving back to Ohio from Tennessee. I was 34 weeks pregnant with our second child, and must have ate some bad food on the way home, because I had bad bad bad and I do mean BAD gas coming out BOTH ends! I tried to hold it in, but my stomach hurt sooo bad. It started with a belch, and DH said "I hope you don't do that in the car!" Well, I didn't belch in the car.........but it came out the other end...It's the middle of winter, temps are freezing, and hubby made the whole 11 hour drive with the window down!!!! Everytime the air would clear, he'd put the window up and I'd rip another one. Best part is, I slept through the whole thing.

Another time we were in the grocery store and I let a silent one in the check out aisle....My then 4 year old daughter screams loudly, "Mom! You farted!"


My husband is on pain meds for his blown disc in his back....they are causing some issues with his abilities to go regularly to the bathroom. Two days went by, and he's not moved (if you know what I mean) so he finally gets things going...and he's in the bathroom forever...I get concerned because I thought maybe he wasn't able to get off the pot because his condition limits him on so many things (he needs assistance getting dressed). I opened the bathroom door and I swear he'd built a nuclear bomb in there! The whole room was filled with his smog and it wafted up my nose, out into the hall, and I'm slamming the door shut, but not fast enough. I told him he'd better be able to get out of the bathroom on his own, because I wasn't coming back in!!