Large breed dog siblings inherited from a friend, how to handle heat cycle

[artbykarenehaley]

First, here are my questions.
My dogs are siblings. Names are Duke and Everest.

How do I keep the two for sure separated while she goes through her heat cycle, that a three year old child can not compromise? I can't really afford boarding but if it comes down to it, I may have to figure that one out.

How do I keep them apart and calm at night so we are all able to sleep? Duke is noisy and anxious anytime he is apart from his sister and us at the same time, even if he's just on the other side of the door. Yelping and whining mostly but can occasionally get destructive.

The dynamic has been that way since we acquired them, and I'm assuming was that way before as well. I have to have someone stay home with him and keep him busy while I walk/train the other. If not, he hurts himself trying to get out to be with her. He still displays anxiety, even with a family member there to play with him, if he can't get to his sister.

We have been working with him on this but he has a separation anxiety issue. She is fine alone for a short time, but has in the past eaten holes in the drywall when we are not home for extended periods of time. (I have a strong hunch it is her and not Duke, because all times it has happened, she has been the one with evidence on her claws and face. ). I am considering using the dog crate for her at bedtime.

Our other crate was borrowed by a friend and they have not returned it, so I can currently only crate one dog at a time. Should I get a replacement?

Here are the basic facts that may help answer these questions.

A friend of ours had two pups, and needed to re-home them due to taking her terminally ill son back to the state where the rest of their family lives. So we took them in, at the end of April this year. They were always together before we took them in and at that point about half a year old.

Our dogs were born at the end of last October.

They are large breed mixes;
Bernese Mountain Dog dam and labradoodle sire.

Due to them being part very large breed, the recommendation from the vet was to keep them intact until at least a year old to avoid hormonal and developmental problems.

There is a slight issue with that.

They are one male and one female.

The female is in heat for the first time and they are currently being kept separated.

I have a three year old who does not understand this and is trying to let them be together. I am basically writing this while guarding the door that separates the two.

Please understand that I knew this was coming and am asking for advice, not to be shamed. I have seen a handful of people on the forum shame others with "you should have known better/known this was coming." Well I'm an anxious person and the fear of the shaming has made me avoid asking for advice, but the reality i s I need help with the situation. We do not have prior experience with intact dogs.

We have only had one dog at a time in the past.

My husband, a man with Asperger's syndrome, is having a hard time dealing with the dogs and their issues to begin with, and this is not helping him. If you are not familiar with what Asperger's is, it's best to look it up. Suffice to say it is very difficult for him to see things through their eyes. In the months between when we got the dogs and now, he has been laid off with and the financial situation of needing to feed them, spay/neuter them, repair the repeated damage, he's super stressed out to the point where he doesn't even want to get attached to them. That means I'm the one responsible for all the care and training while he figures out what to do. I don't really blame them.

It was him who wanted to bring them home, but now he is close to being done. I feel like for his sake we need to rehome them but we feel guilty because we wanted to help them in the first place.

 

[Percheron chick]

I have a female Akbash and was recommended by the breeder to wait as well. As a farm dog who only knew freedom, it was the most miserable time for both of us as I let her go through a heat cycle as well.
My recommendation would be to go ahead and take the male in. He's almost a year. Close enough. It won't solve the anxiety issues or urges but it will help. The only way to deal with anxiety is training. Take him out for walks and car rides by himself. A well socialized dog is a more confident and happy dog. The timing of having to leave the female is perfect.
I would crate the female. Put a lock on it if you have to.

 

[Peaches Lee]

I think the easiest thing for your whole family would be neutering the male. He can be dropped off in the morning at the Vet's and be back home by evening.

I would purchase a second crate. Crating them is just a good thing to do anyway.

It was very nice of you to take them and help your friend out. I'm very sorry for what they are going through...

I wish you the best of luck, and don't stress, you got this--they're just young and both breeds can be absolute doofs so that's just part of it!

 

[artbykarenehaley]

I have a female Akbash and was recommended by the breeder to wait as well. As a farm dog who only knew freedom, it was the most miserable time for both of us as I let her go through a heat cycle as well.
My recommendation would be to go ahead and take the male in. He's almost a year. Close enough. It won't solve the anxiety issues or urges but it will help. The only way to deal with anxiety is training. Take him out for walks and car rides by himself. A well socialized dog is a more confident and happy dog. The timing of having to leave the female is perfect.
I would crate the female. Put a lock on it if you have to.

I think you're right, we at the very least need to fix Duke. Thank you for understanding! It's been a learning curve.

 

[artbykarenehaley]

I think the easiest thing for your whole family would be neutering the male. He can be dropped off in the morning at the Vet's and be back home by evening.

I would purchase a second crate. Crating them is just a good thing to do anyway.

It was very nice of you to take them and help your friend out. I'm very sorry for what they are going through...

I wish you the best of luck, and don't stress, you got this--they're just young and both breeds can be absolute doofs so that's just part of it!

Thank you. The son has an advanced form of leukemia. He's just 18.
Duke is definitely the one reacting to the fact that his sister is in heat. She isn't acting any different really. Content to lay down in the crate or walk on the leash with my son (her boy) to go to the bathroom. We have a dog gate that divides one half of the house from the other, so she does get to be out of the crate when I can take Duke and get him focused on training or she has the run of the house when I take Duke with me while I tend the garden.
The main brunt of the issue is all the noise Duke is making over the matter.
Duke can be anxious sometimes, but this is on another level

 

[lomine]

Sounds like Littermate Syndrome. There's a lot of articles online that you may find helpful. Tips and tricks to help them become more confident when separated.

For anxiety, I really like the product Rescue Remedy. It's a natural product and it has worked well for me each time I have used it on an animal. I don't know if it would be a long-term solution, but it may help get through some of the early training until they can become more confident and better at dealing with the separation.

There's also an essential oil mix called calm-a-mile that's made just for animals. I'm not a believer in the idea that essential oils can be used to cure everything, but I have had success with this mixture. It helped my dog with fear of thunderstorms and fireworks. Used it on her during a few storms and eventually she didn't need it anymore. I used this until I found Rescue Remedy, but the positive to the calm-a-mile is you could use it in a diffuser to cover a whole room for a longer period of time.

I don't blame you and your husband for being at your wits' end. Sounds like a frustrating ordeal for everyone. If things don't work out and you have to rehome them, just remember that you tried your best and you shouldn't feel so guilty about it. Good luck!

 

[cassie]

Just be aware that there is a period of time after a male is castrated that he is still fertile.

 

[cassie]

If you want to learn about autism and Asperger's, get some of the books by Temple Grandin. She is autistic and she also has a PhD. She is noted for her designs of livestock handling systems. Anyway, her books explain how the autistic brain works differently from the "normal" brain. Two of her books I am reading now are "Seeing in Pictures" and "How I See it".

 

[artbykarenehaley]

If you want to learn about autism and Asperger's, get some of the books by Temple Grandin. She is autistic and she also has a PhD. She is noted for her designs of livestock handling systems. Anyway, her books explain how the autistic brain works differently from the "normal" brain. Two of her books I am reading now are "Seeing in Pictures" and "How I See it".

I will Look those books up, anything that is helpful for understanding my husband is worth a read.

He's not much different from the average person but he's not typical either. He's not a highly autistic person, but not quite the same as a neurotypical person.

The areas he is different include having a hard time seeing things from another's perspective, which is not impossible for him but not something that comes easy either. He is more blunt than most. I don't play water balloon fights with him anymore because he can't control how hard he throws. He just has one level of strength, way too hard. Sees the world in a black and white manner. He likes the house a certain way which having the dogs directly conflicts with.

He is also more logical, more tidy, and organized than anyone else I know. He can organize things such as logistics (he is a delivery driver and the most efficient one where he works) like nobody's business. He has an incredible bank of automotive knowledge stored in his brain, to the point where my dad says it's like he downloaded a bunch of repair manuals into a mental hard drive. Wicked smart. Loves parties with the right people. Hates crowds and big events.

 

[artbykarenehaley]

Just be aware that there is a period of time after a male is castrated that he is still fertile.

I didn't know that, that's important to keep in mind